“If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.” – Matthew 16:24

WE HAVE COME across this statement of our Lord innumerable times to where some of us have romanticised it thereby losing its real implications and significance. To many it becomes no more than a worldly self-effort and ethical approach to the beatitudes of Jesus, utterly failing to even begin perceiving what He really said. Unless the Spirit of God brings about spiritual new birth in our lives, we will walk away disheartened time after time, realising we just cannot even begin to deny ourselves no matter how hard we try.

Denying ourselves is a life long journey and process, and there may be epochs in our Christian life where a work of sanctification and purifying is so apparent, but it is far from over; the Holy Spirit still has much work to do in us, and will gracefully and faithfully continue to work up until our final moments here on earth (Philippians 1:6).

Self can disguise itself in what we sometimes believe to be a standard of righteousness or holiness attained in our lives, and one of the sure signs of that is where any insinuation of our growth becomes a prideful focus or even fanatical. Once on that road, we are practically fellowshipping in agreement – consciously or unbeknown to ourselves – with the Pharisees.

Some of us may deny ourselves in ways such as giving away our accumulated possessions to help others who are less fortunate than ourselves, giving away part of our earnings or even our home to help the poor, which is noteworthy and commendable to say the least, but not even such self denial transcends the world’s impressive moral levels; such a heroic leap is definitely a temptation to feeling good about oneself. Even the apostle Paul emphatically stated, “If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:3). The hallmark of self denial is love, which Paul briefly and sufficiently breaks down for us, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” (verse 4 -6). How many of us pause to really think on the highlighted words in the above verses? We can all recite this passage by heart, but does it run through our heart with power? Let us look at what real love does not do: it is not jealous, does not boast (is not conceited – thinking more highly of oneself), it is not arrogant, it is not rude, it is neither irritable or either resentful.

The love of God made real in our lives by the Holy Spirit is what fuels genuine self denial, and that may entail where we willingly lose arguments, foregoing our lofty opinions or biases in favour of another person; it may entail giving others elbow room to talk instead of sabotaging the conversation; it might call us to dropping and forsaking a competitive spirit with other people – for at the heart of self is a desperate attempt to preserve our individual all-important image in order that nobody else comes across better than ourselves; it may entail also denying ourselves by walking with integrity (when no one else is around) where we don’t take advantage of others, especially of those who may be weaker, less privileged or ignorant of our proud self that audaciously dares to believe we’re doing them a good service. Oh self and pride that slithers its way into our very motives!

Can we count with Paul, in regards to our self image, self esteem and all our proud achievements being as rubbish compared to really knowing Christ? Have we really come to that place where we see the ugliness of our self-preservation and therefore have the longing to forsake it for the prize of gaining Christ in knowing rich fellowship with Him? In essence the true jewel of the Christian life is calculating the worthlessness in clinging to all that is self so that Christ takes pre-eminence in our lives that echoes the heart of John the Baptist; “He must increase while I decrease”, and it is the ever-progressive hallmark of authentic growth in grace. Forget about dreams, visions, inspiration and so-called ‘Spirit-led’ aspirations; all that can be of self, deceived into believing it was all of God when He may not be in it at all. The distinguishable stamp in our lives is either that of self or Christ.  

While quoting Hermann Hesse in this intriguing snippet from one of his novels, this is no way reflects or implies my following of this author. Nonetheless, it bears great weight, and even truth in this instance, how self can so subtly intertwine itself in so many of our spiritual aspirations if we do not watch over and guard our hearts:

 “… something else in him had died, something that he had long desired should perish. Was it not what he had once wised to destroy during his ardent years of asceticism? Was it not his Self, his small, fearful and proud Self, with which he had wrestled for so many years, but which had always conquered him again, which appeared each time again and again, which robbed him of happiness and filled him with fear?… Too much knowledge had hindered him; too many holy verses, too many sacrificial rites, too much mortification of the flesh, too much doing and striving. He had been full of arrogance; he had always been the cleverest, the most eager – always a step ahead of the others, always the learned and intellectual one, always the priest or the sage. His self had crawled into his priesthood, into his arrogance, into his intellectuality. It sat there and tightly grew, while he thought he was destroying it by fasting and penitence.”

Although some may find reason to critique some aspects within the above quotation, the principles most certainly bear resemblance of deep conviction in exposing how self, or to narrow it down more,  how pride so carefully masquerades itself in so many of our endeavours, even to where we do not sense its presence; we deem it overcome. It so often outwits us that it takes none other than the Holy Spirit to bring it to our attention, and when He does it is horrific; it is a complete blow to our entire being and pride to where we see no other option but to run to Christ and a deeper cleaving unto the Holy Spirit.  

Self denial goes infinitely deeper than what most of us dare to contemplate, for even lost souls after the pattern of this world, can carry out incredible acts of benevolence. What Christ was aiming straight for is our life unto Him; willing to lose our life for His sake. It is a relinquishing of self autonomy as we are naturally predisposed in desiring to be in control of our lives. Indeed, the crucible is a reality as much as the act of Abraham being feet away from plunging a deathblow razor-sharp knife straight into his treasured son, Isaac, and yet whose hand was literally stopped by an angel.  Abraham was as good as carrying out the entire action and thus proved his love and fear for God being greater than anything else. The apostle Paul lived in such a way that he no longer counted his life dear unto himself. Yes, harder to live for Christ than to die for Him; dying, though agonising as it may be, is sometimes mere moments, but living is for a lifetime. A Spirit-empowered pursuit of Christ inevitably results in an increased self-denial that horizontally works its way out to impacting the lives of those around us. He who loves God loves his brother (1 John 4:21), and that is without hypocrisy (Romans 12:9).

Another important aspect is that self denial is not to be necessarily taken in the order as we read – denying self first, taking up the cross and then following Jesus. Considering the cost of what it means to be a disciple of Christ is more in line, for to first turn our back on self, followed by taking up the cross, and only thereafter to follow Christ is spiritually absurd. One might as well argue and propagate fighting sin in our own strength. Denying self cannot be done by works or efforts of the flesh; it is Spirit-led, and rightly so as the author to Galatians 5:16-17 stated, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” In our infancy as Christians we gave up the obvious tenets of self-absorbed living; as we progress in our walk with God, the Holy Spirit will reveal shocking things in our hearts we never dreamed were there. Just as John Owen once said, “The one who understands the evil of his own heart is the only useful, fruitful, solid believer.” Even decades later we will discover more, but the heart-surgical work of the Spirit does not leave us in despair, so long as we are not resting in self. The Holy Spirit’s work is to sanctify us by the Truth and to ever draw us away from confidence in self to looking at Christ Himself. That is exactly where we are called to continually abide; absolute reliance on Him for everything. It is here we are empowered to live in a joyous self-denying way that gives back to us our lives beyond anything we could ever dare to imagine.